We've spent the last few days putting up roadside shrines to our dearly departed friends, Splodge, Twitch and Grind. If you keep your eyes peeled, you can spot these shrines beside the roads, streets, and motorways of London. Tributes were written on commiseration cards by Skid the Badger, Pop the Weasel, and Puddle the Vole. Soon, unbeknownst to them, they too will be going the same way as Twitch and his roadkill buddies. And perhaps we will put up roadside shrines for them too. The irony.

The Axe Factor. Britain looks for the next big serial killer. I'm really enjoying the TV show the Axe Factor at the moment. It's about time we had a new serial killer. Simon Cowell is a bit harsh on some of the contestants though. And I think Rosemary West is going to make a good judge. She really knows what she's talking about.

Halloween has become a chipper, candy-munching, pumpkin-carving festive occasion. But it didn't used to be this way. All Hallow's Eve has traditionally been the time of year when past roadkill rise from their roadside graves and stalk the highways and byways of our lands. Tales abound of zombie squirrels terrorising truck drivers. Ghostly apparitions of squished hedgehogs making people swerve off course. Screaming banshee voles menacing mums on the school run. So when you're driving this Halloween watch out for those infernal, furry legions from hell. And remember to put your roadkill teddies on the dashboard, to ward off evil, furry spirits. Happy Halloween!!

Meet Splodge the Hedgehog. As from today, Splodge joins Twitch and Grind in the hallowed halls of Roadkill. Never has there been a cuter bit of roadkill. Not since the Model- T Ford ran over Buster Keaton's gerbil.

I've had requests and ideas from lots of people for Roadkill Products. Aussies want roadkill possums. Russians want roadkill bears. The Chinese want roadkill Tibetans. And the US want roadkill armadillos. I'm trying my best to satisfy everyone (apart from the Chinese). But in the meantime you'll have to make do with our latest Roadkill Character: Splodge the Hedgehog.