What kind of animal is Twitch?

Twitch is a raccoon. He’s a second generation raccoon. In the late 90’s his parents Randie and Zilda Raccoon emigrated from Death Valley, Arizona, to Sidcup, Kent.

What does the teddy do?

Twitch is an interactive teddy. You can push his blood and guts into his body and then zip him up. And then you can unzip him and pull his blood and guts back out. Other than that he just sits there looking demur.

Is it too graphic to buy for a kid or a sensitive girlfriend?

We don’t recommend buying this product for children under the age of 14. This is more of a safety issue than a censorship issue. Bugt while the basic premise of the product is gorey, we have designed it to be cute and cartoony. It’s not a gratuitous and realistic portrayal of roadkill, but more of a caricature. Because what’s funny about road kill? It’s more a la Itchy and Scratchy, than a la Ed Gein.

What special features does the Squash-plush teddy have?

Well, the whole thing is special. But if you really want us to list them then here goes: It has side zips, through which you can stuff its blood and guts in; it has stuffed intestines, a stuffed spleen, stuffed cracked ribs, and plush blood; it has a tyre mark print striped across its back; it has a bulging, bloodshot eye; it has a protruding tongue; it has a skewiff embroidered mouth; it has an embroidered blood and organ splat on its underbelly; it has little, grasping, felt claws; it has a toe tag with details of its demise and injuries; and it comes with an opaque body bag. Are you still reading? You must be bored.

What’s it made of then?

We’ve tried to make our Squash-plush teddy as life-like as possible. But you might be surprised to know that he’s still only a stuffed toy. All the plush materials and stuffing we’ve used are made from 100% polyester fibres. For the guts and gore we’ve used special micro-bead stuffing, giving it a squidgy feel. For the Gut-plush we’ve used a high-tech stretchy material that squidges and bulges under your fingers. The main body is made from a special plush material sourced from Korea, that gives the teddy its realistic mangy pelt. His eyes and nose are plastic, and are fully compliant with British Safety Standards.

What kind of packaging does it come in?

It comes in a body bag. The body bag is made from an opaque plastic, so you can see the gore inside. It has a white zipper down the middle. The body bag is 14.5 inches long by 11 inches wide. With a bit of squidging and pounding, it’s just big enough to fit in a run over raccoon.

What’s written on the toe tag?

The first thousand toe tags are special edition. They are hand written by the creator, Adam Arber. Each one has different details about the teddy’s demise and particulars: Some are run over by Rolls Royces, and some by Robin Reliants. For all the subsequent toe tags there is a standard description. This includes: The teddy’s name- Twitch; his age- 5 years old; his sex- Male; his weight- 2 kg; his height- 15 inches; his place of death- the A639 in Berks; his date of death- 17th March 2007; the cause of death- Run over by a Ford Mondeo; his next of kin- Grind the Rabbit; notes- had to be finished off with a shovel.

How big is the Twitch teddy?

Twitch the raccoon is 15 inches from the tip of his twitchy nose to the bottom of his outstretched tail; and he’s 10 inches wide from outstretched paw to outstretched paw . He’s slightly on the small side for a raccoon, but this is because he was the runt of the litter. The approximate sizes for the other products are listed under the Product Details section.

How heavy is the Twitch teddy?

Twitch weighs roughly 280 grammes. After a heavy lunch of acorns he might weigh a bit more... say 300 grammes.

Where are your Squash-plush toys made?

We are currently manufacturing all our products in China. We use a very good, established Chinese manufacturer who also deal with Disney. And our materials are generally imported from Korea. All our materials have been sourced in a social and ethical manner.

How long does it take to make a Roadkill product?

Well, we like to keep our products as tarmac-fresh and maggot-free as possible. From the time the creative process has finished and the samples have been OKed, it generally takes about 2 months in production and then another month to reach our warehouse.

How do I care for my Roadkill product?

Most Roadkill products have had a tough time of it. So any tender loving care you can give them, would be greatly appreciated. Try to keep them in their body bags as much as possible, to stop the maggots from setting in. Beware of too much wear and tear, as you pull their blood and guts out and then stuff them back in. And to extend their lives, don’t wash them. The last thing you and it wants is an eye falling off. If your Roadkill teddy gets a bit dirty, try cleaning it with a damp rag. And if a friend stops by who smokes, and you just can’t get the damned stink out of your Roadkill teddy, just try a fabric spray. And hey presto, a fresh-smelling Roadkill teddy.

Is there any other kind of Roadkill merchandise in the pipeline?

Don’t worry, you’ll be getting much more roadkill in the near future. The next products to be scooped off the tarmac are a squashed weasel door wedge. He’s called Pop the weasel. He’s made of a type of malleable rubber, and when you jam the door on top of him his eye pops out of his head. Then there’s Grind the rabbit. He’s another squash-plush toy. Except… he’s a rabbit. And then we’re also making some roadkill accessories: some plush maggots. You can put these in and around your squash-plush toys. Very chic.

Why did you choose to make a raccoon and not a badger?

Well the raccoon is a close relation of the badger anyway, but it just looks a little cuter. And it’s also slightly funnier. Badgers are usually quite a serious lot. That’s not to say that in the future we won’t be making roadkill badger products. Watch this space.

Why do you call your products Squash-plush?

Squash-plush is a new term we’ve coined just for our products. We thought it had a certain ring about it. Plush refers to the whole teddy market (plush is the material used to make teddies). And Squash… well… because it’s squashed.